Chronicles of Czarelle

After about seven years, I got to watch the movie “American Beauty” again. Funny how the past seven years could make me look at the same movie in an entirely different way.

Seven years ago, I was a university student, dissecting the movie, analysing the symbolism, understanding the message. Now, I am a student of life, feeling the emotions, understanding the frustrations, and learning its lessons— life’s lessons.

A lot has happened, yes. I was seeing the movie in a different light. I was merging it with my own experiences, my own frustrations. I was no longer the detached observer, analyzing it methodically.  And it made me think.

I have changed. As Heraclitus aptly put it: “You cannot step on the same river twice, for fresh waters are ever flowing in upon you.”  I am no longer the eager innocent I once was.  I have experienced a lot of disappointments and failures, I’d like to believe I’m jaded. Immune to pains and heartaches. I’d like to believe that life has taught me well, to be practical.

But that sunshine of idealism still peeks over that dark cloud of cynicism. 

With every disappointment, I hope some more. With every failure, I dream some more.  Searching for my elusive happy ever after, knowing I might get disappointed again. Fearing I might not be able to deal with the frustration the next time. But still hoping.

And I do hope, for my sake, my happy ever after is just waiting for me around the next riverbend….

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 8th, 2006 at 12:13 pm and is filed under Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.