Chronicles of Czarelle

Long-stemmed roses dyed lavender (my favorite color). A Care Bear stuffed toy. And a piece of white chocolate cake. Very sweet and romantic, right?

A year ago, I would have swooned, would have been swept off my feet. How I have longed for this kind of appreciation, for this kind of love. But all these came too late, sadly.

I never thought I could just wake up one morning, not loving the one person I have loved for so many years. The one person I devoted my life to, gave all my love to, unconditionally. The first person I have ever loved.

And while I was smelling the roses, hugging the stuffed toy, and eating the cake, all I could feel was sadness. Sadness for the love I lost. Sadness for all the years that I wasted. Sadness for everything that I lost in the course of eight years.

At first, I couldn’t help asking myself, where have I gone wrong? But I know now, that the only mistake I did was giving everything I had, not leaving something for myself. Until I was drained and empty. And there was nothing more I could give.

As I struggle to get back on my feet, I am determined to reclaim my sense of being. Learn to love myself. Learn to love life. And in time, I know,I will be loved. Someday…..

This entry was posted on Monday, April 23rd, 2007 at 2:44 am and is filed under Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.